Wednesday, April 4, 2012

The love doctor

"Mom, I want to go on a date."


"Mom, I want to go on a date. Can I go? I want to know what it's like." 


"Mom?" she was standing two inches from my face.

"I heard you." I was processing what she said, thinking that if I didn't make eye contact with her she would drop the subject and walk away.

"Mom....I want to go on my first date with a boy that I know, that's a friend."

WHAT? A date? With who? Where will you go?

"You know I'm going with you. Wherever you go." 

My mind was racing with so many thoughts. I didn't really expect to have this conversation so soon. A date? Boys? She's in fifth grade. Is this normal? Should I let her. Holy crap, I need Don.

"Where's your dad? Don?" I looked at the door hoping he would magically appear at that very moment.

"Mom. It's just a question." she said, with just a little bit of eye roll.

The thought of her dating was sucking the life out of me. I wasn't ready for this.

She stared at me, fidgeting, smiling, and oozing with cuteness. Why did she have to be so dang cute. The boys were going to love her.

"When did you go on your first date?" she asked, her eyes twinkling with anticipation.

"I was really, really shy. I went to a few dances, that was about it. I really didn't date until college." I said, feeling like a loser.

Thinking of this caused a flash of heat to race through my body like a lightening bolt. Damn hot flashes.

She stood there looking at me so disappointed. She wanted to exchange first date stories. She wanted my advice. Crap. Why wasn't I cool when I was young.  I was that shy girl with the wide eyes looking in. Good thing I was really observant. I was pretty sure I could B.S. my way through this - but jeez, I had planned for this to be a middle school conversation. I wasn't ready.

"Mom, there are three boys that want to ask out three girls and go on a triple date." She was so excited she couldn't stand still.

"Are you one of the girls?"

"No. They don't like me."

My immediate though was "thank goodness" and then "What? Why not?"

How is that possible? You're beautiful, talented, funny. This is not right! Who are these boys?

She could tell I was concerned. I don't hide my feelings very well.

"Mom, it's okay. I don't like them. They like Lou Lou, Ava and Lilyana.

aaaaah. Three of the cutest girls in school, and good friends.

"Who doesn't like you? Who are the boys?" I wanted to know.


I remember my first date. I went to the 8th grade dance with Mark Johnson. He was our minister's son, and a friend. I didn't really "like" him. But he asked me. I liked Andy Hyra. But I was too shy to tell anyone, so I said yes to Mark. My mom made me a pretty yellow dress with ruffles, made of dotted swiss fabric. Do you remember that fabric? It had little raised dots all over it.

Anyway, Mark was really tall so I talked my mom into letting me get high heels. I picked out a pair of wedge sandals with a cork heel. I loved those shoes. I'm pretty sure that was the beginning of my love for high heels.

I got home and tried them on with my dress. The dress was too short! My mom had hemmed it to my ankle. I was devastated. I would look like a dork! I was so sad. I would never be cool.

We went to the dance. I don't remember if anyone said anything about my dress or my shoes. I do remember how the evening ended, though.

Mark's dad drove us home. I literally flew out of the car and ran to the front door because I was afraid he might try to kiss me. Poor Mark. I don't think it was the first date he was hoping for. I might have slammed our front door in his face as I yelled, "Thanks, Mark! I had a great time. Bye! See you in church."

And I wonder why I wasn't one of the cool kids.

Thankfully, Elli is not like me.

She is not shy. She is vibrant, and personable, and full of confidence.

She has dubbed herself the "Love Doctor" at school. She is the mediary between the boys and the girls, and she's loving it.

Holy crap. What am I going to do? 



  1. LMBO!! There are so many funny things in this - you crack me up! I totally remember the yellow dress and your shoes AND your hair that you curled LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY. Crazy. I was so envious that you got to wear high heeled shoes!

    Enough about that though. Now, about Elli and dating. NO WAY JOSE! Ugh.

  2. Everyone was a dork! Group dates are still the rage-tell her if she must go, it has to be in a group!

  3. So........what's wrong with the darling yellow dotted swiss dress that wasn't too was fashionable! And, Mark was as shy as you were! You both looked adobeable. And, I don't even remember the shoes!


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