Friday, May 13, 2011

Candy thief

I'm hungry for something sweet.

Just a little something.

I can't think of anything in the fridge or pantry that sounds good.

And then I see the Easter basket on the counter. Elli is in school. She won't notice if I take a few pieces of candy.

I stretch in my chair to see if I can reach it without getting up. I reach as far as I can without tipping over in the chair but it's just out of reach. Bummer.

I stare at the basket for a few seconds then get up to see what's inside. There are at least a dozen plastic eggs, chocolate rocks, gummy bears, gum, cherry sours, M&Ms, jolly ranchers, chocolate eggs, bunnies and kisses. Oh, yeah. So I start shaking eggs.

I open a purple plastic egg. It's full of light-orange jelly beans. I eat a few. They taste like tangerine. Perfect.

I go back to my computer at the kitchen table. But I can't stop thinking about candy. Now I need some chocolate. I know she got some chocolate eggs so I go back to the basket and open a few more plastic eggs to find some chocolate. Bingo. Three chocolate eggs.

I open them up one-by-one. I let them melt in my mouth. I barely remember eating the last one.

Then I grab a tiny bag of gummy bears and a few Hershey kisses.

Ok. Now I'm done. Back to my chair.

I sit down, cross my leg, rest my head on my hand and stare at the screen. My post is going nowhere. So I go on Facebook.

I'm restless. All the noises outside are distracting me. And the dog keeps barking. "What!?" I snap at the dog.

I get back up and get some water. And while I'm up I randomly grab another plastic egg. One of the big ones. It's heavy and full of jelly beans. I crack it open at the table and let a few spill out. I switch to Twitter and finish the jelly beans.

Now the table is full of shiny wrappers, empty plastic eggs and I feel sick. I can feel a crease in my gut. Ugh, I feel gross. I think the candy is stuck in my stomach. Or maybe I drank too much water.

And then I panic.

Elli is smart and a candy freak. She will know stuff is missing.

I bury the wrappers in the master bedroom trash and shuffle candy around in their baskets to fill the empty eggs.

And the worst part? I got caught. Elli decided to surprise me and empty the trash for trash day. Guess what she found. Yeah, I suck.

And now I owe her candy the next time we go to the movies.

This week's TRDC prompt was to write a story about gluttony. It could be fiction or non-fiction. 600 words max. I did steal some candy. How much? I'll never tell.


  1. I love reading the sugar crash as it's happening, "I can feel a crease in my gut. Ugh, I feel gross. I think the candy is stuck in my stomach. Or maybe I drank too much water.

    And then I panic."

    As well as the sudden lack of focus and the bouncing from post, to facebook to twitter.

    And I KNEW you were going to get caught!

    On a personal note, my parents used to allow me only one night with my Halloween candy, imagine the havoc in our household when I found the candy they were supposed to have 'protected' me from in their closet one November.

  2. Jennifer ---- Oh no they didn't. Ha!

  3. Haha! I eat candy all the time, even when it's not Easter. Fortunately, I have my own so no kid to notice my theft :)

    Stopping by from TRDC

  4. I love it! My kids actually know to HIDE their Easter baskets and Halloween bags from me!

  5. This is totally something I would do. Okay, it's totally something I do! I figure I need it more than they do. Right? Right?!?!

  6. My husband does this. To EVERYONE! Snack cakes are the worst for him. He doesn't care WHO they belong to!

  7. My hubby is famous for stealing all of Elli's lunchbox snacks. He knows what they're for. Doesn't care! Anything in the pantry is up for grabs in his mind. : )

  8. I've never stolen my kid's candy. Now way, un uh, not me... ;P

  9. Love it lady!

    Sadly, oddly, strangely- I think all parents do this?

    Also? We're all afraid of getting caught! By our children!

    Love the intensity. And jellybeans? Yum! :)

  10. Yup, I so would have been in your shoes if I had actually BOUGHT candy for Maddy.
    Wonder how long I'll get away with that?

    BTW, I have to hide candy from the DH. He's the worst! His latest atrocity: eating the M&Ms we had for bribing/potty training.

  11. Oh my gosh.........We used to tell Kris that certain candy wasn't good for her health and pulled it out of the bag for her safety...........then Dad and I would go in the bedroom and have a good laugh and eat most of the candy we absconded with..........I suppose I deserve the stomach ache I got......but it was worth it at the time!

  12. Ha. I never knew that. You are terrible! But that is hilarious. Why didn't I think of that!!!!


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